I was hoping to get some peace and quiet this afternoon and possibly a nap. I've got the apartment all to myself so I decided that I'd put my head on a comfy pillow and try to catch some zzz's. My mind starts racing with thoughts that I'd much rather leave alone. Instead of resting, I'm doubting myself, my relationships with my friends, my worth, all kinds of stuff that I shouldn't even be doubting or stressing over. My mind sometimes brings me to dark places I tend to forget are there. My self worth seems to be the star of the show, but not some grand and glorious show. It seems to be more of a roast of sorts. My self worth is put on display with every ugly thing there is in it laid bare.
In my last post, I mentioned that I shouldn't find my identity in any of the ideas that I have parading around in my mind now. I can't say that I've got it perfectly figured out. I can't say that I am cured. When I'm in the moment, I honestly don't know how to pull myself from those negative thoughts. I don't know how to turn myself around and think those positive thoughts. I keep thinking, "what do I do now?"
Continue to pray for me. I'm a broken woman. Sometimes I feel so useless and wasted. Today is one of those days. As a friend of mine told me once when I was feeling like this: Father God is still good. He wants to give His children good things. Jesus died on the cross. So, what does that say about you?
