So, trying to manage Chase's sugar levels has been a beast. Yesterday was a bad day in that regard. He was down all day... probably because Saturday night we ate alot of sweets at the Doctor Who Season Seven Premier Party. Chocolate Daleks, Fish Fingers and Custard and Banoffee Pie, OH MY! So, he had sugar overload. And Sunday the wrath came.
I'm always wanting to get away from him when he's crashing. It's very hard to keep my patience and cool when he's struggling. I keep my mouth closed for the most part and I restrain from punching him in the face. Even if I punched him as hard as I could, it wouldn't hurt him... And that would just annoy me.
He accompanied me to the store to do some shopping and I kept my mouth shut when he made snide and rude remarks. He was constantly negative and I didn't want to encourage him to continue by telling him to stop, or to tell him how annoying it was. He told me that when he gets like that, he doesn't care about anyone, or anything but himself. And on our way home, I saw that. He started raising his voice at me while we were waiting for the bus. At that moment, I looked across the street to see a lady walking by and I was afraid she was going to look over and see Chase yelling at me. I am an advocate against abuse. I don't like to see a woman being degraded by an abusive man. And for just a moment, I felt like the degraded woman. I was afraid that people were going to pass by and wonder if I was okay and safe. Then, I'd have to make an excuse for Chase... I hate it when women have to make excuses for the men they're with. I had enough and finally told him that I didn't want him to take his anger and frustration out on me. He started coming around after that.
He did have human moments where I was pleased to be in his company. My biggest problem is that when he's on a sugar crash like that, I get sad and upset that there's nothing I can do to help him. It's hard seeing the person you love suffer and not being able to just kiss it away.
As a wife, I feel like it's my duty to help Chase in every circumstance that he faces. And I feel unaccomplished and useless on days like yesterday. It's an ugly situation... but it doesn't happen alot... That, I am very thankful for.
I, in no way, want anyone to think differently of my husband. He loves me very much, and would never do anything on purpose to hurt me emotionally or physically. As it was explained to me, it's just a chemical change that happens... like a detox... or just circumstances of the body not having as much sugar as it had previously. I try to remember that it's not necessarily directed at me. I'm just the one that's around him the most, so I see the majority of it.
So, in the frustration of a wife with no power to take the bad away, all I can do is try not to take it personally, which is hard. I have to remember that no matter what he says, no matter how bad he feels, it's not directed at me. I need to have extra forgiveness and grace... and mercy to him.
