I try not to let alot of things get to me. I try to let things roll off of my back. Last night, however, I had a friend tell me that his wife felt like I had a crush on him because I liked status updates and pictures on facebook and instagram. Really? Wow. First off: no... Secondly, we went to elementary school together. Thirdly, he's married. Lastly, he wears camo, so that's a definite deal breaker! Besides, I don't know if the wife knows this, but I was married LONG before I started being friends with this guy. I'm in love with my husband and I don't want to be with anyone else but him. He has my heart and I promise myself every day that I'm going to forsake all other men and cling to my husband. And the cherry on top is that I live across the country!
Now, I've been the innocent friend and I've also been the jealous girlfriend. I know how jealousy can drive a wedge between everyone involved. Me being an innocent party in this, and not doing anything wrong makes me infuriated. I'm being blamed for something that I didn't do/wasn't my fault.
I was invited to my guy friend's house for coffee and a Bible study... and I assumed that he told his wife about it. I get there, and we sit down to open the Bible and his wife calls on the phone. He proceeds to tell her that I'm there and she gets mad because she wasn't told before that I would be there. So, I'm blamed for that. And now, I comment, and like pictures of him with kids, and mostly of him and his wife. But still I'm blamed that I have a crush on him.
I don't think I'd ask to be friends with his wife if I had a thing for her husband. I wouldn't like pictures of husband and wife kissing and cuddling if I had a crush on the husband. I wouldn't pray that the wife would get pregnant or find a great job if I had a crush on the husband. I wouldn't respect the wife if I had feelings for her husband.
I hate that I'm blamed for something that I didn't do or that wasn't my fault in the first place. I'm very content with my husband and I don't want anyone else! I wouldn't have married my husband if I did want to be with someone else.
As of right now, I'm so pissed off that I can't pray for her because I feel like I'd be saying, "God, change her feelings. Change her heart. Let her see that I'm not trying to break up her family. Let her know I'm not into her husband." So, I'd need to pray for myself for what? For me to understand how she feels? because I definitely don't want to go back to those dark thoughts. I'm caught between a rock and a hard place.
I made a really great friend and he says I can still be his friend, but I know how her mind works. If I send text messages, like a picture of the both of them, or like a status update or anything, she's going to think I'm after her husband. I can't even unfriend his wife, because that will raise suspicion. He said that I can like something every once in a while. But to her, it's still going to seem that I'm a home wrecker. So, I'd have to screen what I like and what I don't like. So, if I like something, I can't just comment, or like. I have to filter what I do. I'd rather just not deal with that at all. Too much drama. I was that girl.
It's awful being that innocent friend. You're blamed for everything you do. Your friendship is investigated. I thought that because I was happily married and he was happily married, that I didn't have to worry about jealousy, especially since I live more than 2000 miles away! I guess that's not the case, or I just forgot what it's like to be the jealous girl. So, reader, pray for her... and for me. Because I simply can't pray for something I want so strongly for her. I will feel very hypocritical praying for her to realize that I don't want to take her happiness away. It wasn't my fault.
