I was hoping to get some peace and quiet this afternoon and possibly a nap. I've got the apartment all to myself so I decided that I'd put my head on a comfy pillow and try to catch some zzz's. My mind starts racing with thoughts that I'd much rather leave alone. Instead of resting, I'm doubting myself, my relationships with my friends, my worth, all kinds of stuff that I shouldn't even be doubting or stressing over. My mind sometimes brings me to dark places I tend to forget are there. My self worth seems to be the star of the show, but not some grand and glorious show. It seems to be more of a roast of sorts. My self worth is put on display with every ugly thing there is in it laid bare.
In my last post, I mentioned that I shouldn't find my identity in any of the ideas that I have parading around in my mind now. I can't say that I've got it perfectly figured out. I can't say that I am cured. When I'm in the moment, I honestly don't know how to pull myself from those negative thoughts. I don't know how to turn myself around and think those positive thoughts. I keep thinking, "what do I do now?"
Continue to pray for me. I'm a broken woman. Sometimes I feel so useless and wasted. Today is one of those days. As a friend of mine told me once when I was feeling like this: Father God is still good. He wants to give His children good things. Jesus died on the cross. So, what does that say about you?
I have been in the dark many times and I know you have the light of heaven within you. You have helped me climb from my darkness in the past and if there is anything the I would wish for you is to never have seen this darkness.
ReplyDeleteRemember that the Great Spirit is not the light that guides you but rather the beacon to which you strive to get to. Religion did not answer any questions for me but rather gave me more questions; faith is built from you not religion, it is the light that burns without fuel.
I consider myself lucky to know you and will forever consider you family. There is not a more loving and genuine person, I have ever met. I think the world is brighter with you in it.
You may doubt many things but know that there can be no light without darkness but unlike me you have lived a life that bears very little darkness- your heart is more pure than any of my friends/family.
So, tickle the baby, kiss him and squeeze him till he squills. Hold the puppy in your arms until he wiggles to get away, because you are a light in the darkness.
If you need something, help of some kind; I have family near you and I am working to get home as soon as possible. If you need anything call me, I will do all that I can to help even if it is just listening.
"Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children." --William Makepeace Thackeray