Love is different

Forsake all others and cling to him. 

St. Valentine's Day is a wonderful holiday that celebrates those that we love. Not only is it the one's we're in romantic relationships with, but also just taking the time to show your appreciation to friends, family, and coworkers.  Since I started out this blog with an excerpt of my vows I exchanged with my husband approximately a year and a half ago, it's what I really want to talk about.

In my mind, I think of forsaking as someone literally turning their backs toward me or on me. Usually it's represented by a close friend. Clinging is usually associated with clutching tightly to something... a life raft, an arm, someone's chest or abdomen. Usually I picture that someone burying their face in the person's chest whom they're clinging to. They see nothing. They just hold on tight.

Besides the traditional vows, Chase and I wrote our own vows to share with each other. Here's what my heart said to Chase:

I've heard it said that,

“God gives imperfect women to imperfect men so they can be heirs together of the grace of life and become something more together than either one of them would ever be alone.” (Created to be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl)

 I have seen so much evidence that God has placed you in my life and He is allowing me to stand here and profess my love in the most meaningful way: by taking you as my husband. I promise to honor you, Chase. With my honor, I also promise love. I can't imagine life with you without love.

I will sing the melody I've written for you in my heart: a love so strong it can only be painted on the endless canvas of time, and so beautiful it can only be sung by the heart. My prayer is that you would place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm, because my love for you is as strong as death, my jealousy for you will be unyielding as the grave.

Thinking of the day that celebrates love, I can't help but think about the day that changed both of our lives for the rest of our lives. Not a single day goes by that I don't think about the day that Chase and I promised our love to each other. I think about the headaches leading up to the ceremony, the stupid questions that everyone asked the day of the wedding... the things that went wrong, the doors opening and me seeing no one but Chase standing at the altar. My eyes didn't notice anyone else. My heart was pounding not because I was doubting (there was no doubt), not because almost every eye was on me, not because I was afraid I'd break my ankle or neck in the heels I picked out (because I was), but because it was a big step in our relationship. My eyes poured tears of happiness (thank God I had waterproof mascara on!), and everyone was there to celebrate our covenant marriage. There are less than a handful of Covenant Marriages in the state of Louisiana because the women decide to cheat... hmm... no pressure or anything. :-P

To keep myself in check, I often repeat to myself, forsaking all others... In my mind, I always think of the imagery that I mentioned in the second paragraph. A couple of times, I had to say it out loud so that instead of just thinking of the words, they were manifested and had more intense meaning. That being said, I've never kissed another man or been in a situation where I've been unfaithful, or even thought about it. I do, however think it's important as a believer and as a wife to remind yourself on a regular basis that you entered into a covenant with someone. You promised to honor them, to respect them, and hopefully to love them. 

Anyone who's thinking about getting married, please pay attention to this next part... The romantic feelings will end. You'll long for that butterfly feeling in your stomach every time he kisses you, or the butterflies when he touches your arm or holds your hand. They fade. What's left, is real, true love. The fact that he keeps swiping the hair behind your ear, or that he kisses your neck when you're washing dishes. Hold on to that, not that you don't feel tingles in your toes when you make love. Love isn't a feeling. It's not butterflies. It's not newness of your relationship or the look he gives that look... It's what's left after the house is cleaned out. Love is the house itself. Everything else is decoration.

Love's not all hearts and lace. Love is hard. Love is not glamorous. It's the grimy, dirty part of the relationship. It's being there for your spouse when they lose everything that's important to them. It's praying for them when they hurt and you don't have the words to say to cheer them up. It's giving them time alone when you fight. It's keeping your mouth shut when they say something that isn't kind. It's letting them have the last bite of ice cream when you really, really want it. It's giving up personal gain so that they can benefit. It's making no excuses. It's bragging on them in front of your friends instead of pointing out their faults. Love is serving your spouse when they don't deserve it.

It sounds like alot of stuff most people don't want to hear. I'm sure those people soon wish they would've heard it. Love God, then your spouse and you'll be fine. I'm reminded of a really great friend of mine and Chase's, Rich Carlisle. He tells this story about his dad that Chase and I refer to every now and again... His dad told Rich after he got married, "you think you love her now... just wait until you've been together for X amount of years." Love seems immense until you look back and see that it was only the beginning.

Forgive me for this analogy, but love is like putting dreadlocks in your hair. They're there from day one. They have really great days, and they have really bad days. You may want to brush them out because you get fed up, but if you hang in there, if you let them grow and develop, Before long, or after long, you'll have a beautiful end result. 

 

So, when you're thinking about love and St. Valentine's Day, remember that Love is Different than you think. It's not the mushy stuff. It's not a feeling. It's an action. Show your love to your friends, family, and coworkers today. Let them know they're appreciated. :)

Here's a lagniappe. Caedmon's Call singing "Love is Different"